


Prelude to Luthor Family Christmas Year 1

by wheel_pen



Series: Lucy [11]
Category: Smallville
Genre: Alternate Universe, Christmas, F/M, all-dialog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-24
Updated: 2013-04-24
Packaged: 2017-12-09 08:25:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/772123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wheel_pen/pseuds/wheel_pen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lex wants his usual bribe for attending the family Christmas celebration. Only what he has in mind this year is a little different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Prelude to Luthor Family Christmas Year 1

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Lucy, my original character, is Clark’s cousin on the Kent side. Although human she may have some strange psychic powers and definitely has some issues in her past. She’s having a tough time with her mom and goes to live with Jonathan and Martha for a while. She and Lex form a relationship.
> 
> 2\. In my world, Lex eventually becomes President. And his staff is from The West Wing. 
> 
> 3\. I started writing this series during the third season of Smallville, so it diverges from canon then or earlier.
> 
> 4\. Underage warning: This story may contain human or human-like teenagers, in high school, in sexual situations.
> 
> 5\. The bad words are censored. That’s just how I do things.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this AU. I own nothing and appreciate the chance to play in this universe.

            “What?”

            “Lex.”

            “What?”

            “Hardly an appropriate seasonal greeting for your father, Lex.”

            “Happy Kwanzaa, Dad. What do you want?”

            “Merely to remind you of the date and time for the Luthor Family Christmas Gathering—“

            ::sigh::

            “—which will be held at your grandmother’s country home on Satur—“

            “Yes, Dad, I know, I got the email. She helpfully included directions and a map, in case I had forgotten where it was.”

            “Your grandmother feels she hasn’t seen enough of you lately, Lex—“

            ::sigh::

            “Since this conversation is obviously distracting you from more important matters—“

            “Q4 budget reports. Very exciting.”

            “Yes, I notice you gave most of your personnel two-week vacations for the holidays. Paid.”

            “Half-pay, and they’ve earned them.”

            “Lex, when the story of this empire is written—“

            “Oh, G-d.”

            “—no one will care that a handful of employees at a minor fertilizer factory _liked_ you—for a brief moment—due to a foolhardy excess.”

            “No, I imagine the spine will be cracked at the parts with all the sex, drugs, and violence.”

            Pause. “I doubt those parts will make the final edition.”

            “Oh, the expurgated version, huh? That’s too bad. It’ll be pretty boring then.”

            “Lex—“

            “Can it at least have elephants?”

            “Lex—“

            “Every good epic ought to have elephants.”

            Silence.

            “So were you calling for a specific purpose, or did you just want to talk about elephants?”

            “I did _not_ want to talk about elephants, Lex.”

            “No? That’s odd. How did we get on that subject, then?”

            “Lex, I fear your constant association with high school students has dulled your intellect. You should consider spending more time with persons your own age.”

            “I think that sounds pretty boring, too. I mean, they would probably _never_ want to talk about elephants.”

            Pause. “Lex, I have now had my fill of inane conversation for the day—“

            “Glad I could help.”

            “I will see you on Saturday.”

            “No.”

            “What?”

            “I’m not going.”

            “What.”

            “I hate Luthor Family Christmas.”

            ::sigh::

            “It’s awkward, unpleasant, stilted, and forced. But with ham and eggnog to distinguish it from Luthor Family Easter, Luthor Family Fourth of July, and Luthor Family board meetings.”

            “Lex, your grandmother was looking forward to seeing you.”

            “She can hold the anticipation a little longer.”

            Pause. “Lex, on the off chance it makes a difference to you, I should tell you that your grandmother’s health has been… unpredictable lately—“

            “Your attempt at a guilt trip is both tasteless and deceitful, Dad. I just spoke to Grandma last week and she’s fine.”

            “Then you know how much she would like to see the entire family together for the holidays.”

            “Yes. But I’m not coming.”

            “Lex, every year that you have been independently mobile, you have said you hated the family Christmas gathering and weren’t coming. And every year I have to bargain with you, promise you some extravagant toy or trip to ensure that you show up.”

            “I know. I love holiday traditions, don’t you?”

            “So since I have actual work to do, and actual employees to oversee, perhaps you could merely tell me what it is you want this year, instead of drawing this out any longer?”

            “Wow, it’s just like Santa Claus. Only grouchy and impatient.”

            ::sigh::

            “So kind of a ‘Bad Santa’ type.”

            ::sigh::

            “And you do have a beard. Perhaps you could dye it white?”

            ::sigh::

            “Just for the holidays?”

            “Lex, I am going to tell your grandmother that you couldn’t join us this year because you were being held in a psychiatric ward for observation.”

            “Yeah, like she’ll believe _that_ excuse twice. Besides, it was Thanksgiving, not Christmas.”

            “Your behavior under normal circumstances will leave no one in the family in doubt as to my veracity.”

            “Unless of course they consider _your_ behavior under normal circumstances…”

            “Lex! What. Do. You. Want?”

            “I want Lucy to come, too.”

            ::sigh:: “Lex, there is a reason it is called Luthor _Family_ Christmas. It isn’t Luthor Family and Teenage Mistress Christmas.”

            “Just because you aren’t bringing _yours_ doesn’t mean I can’t bring _mine_.”

            “I have no idea what you’re referring to.”

            “Madalyn, isn’t it? Cute girl. You know her major’s anthropology, right? So she might see Family Christmas as a field study opportunity.”

            “Miss Conyers is merely the daughter of a business associate, _not_ my mistress.”

            “The flavor of the month, then.”

            “And she is _not_ a teenager.”

            “You’re right, my mistake. She’s _twenty_. Totally different.”

            “And she will _not_ be attending Family Christmas.”

            “Well, Lucy will. Or I won’t.”

            “Lex, stop being childish. Every other member of the family has confirmed they’re coming. How will it look if my own son, the _heir_ to the family company, is the only absent party?”

            “He will be roundly envied.”

            ::sigh::

            “Not that I’m trying to convince you, Dad—“

            ::snort::

            “—but Lucy’s appearance at Family Christmas seems quite a bargain compared to that Titanium Black Enzo Ferrari… mmmm… G-d, that was a beautiful car…”

            “Which, as I recall, you destroyed during the trip to Malta that was your bribe the subsequent year.”

            “Oh, yeah. That was a very expensive— _gift_ , not _bribe_ , Dad. At any rate, a place for Lucy at the Christmas dinner table will require far less trouble and money than my usual request.”

            ::sigh:: Pause. “Fine. Bring her.”

            “Good. Grandma can’t wait to meet her.”

            “Lex—“

  
            “Gotta go, Dad. Spreadsheets and all. Saturday.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sadly, I never got around to writing the actual “Luthor Family Christmas Year 1” (or most of the other years).


End file.
